Are You Happy Now?
by blueandblack
Summary: Jacob/Bella, set at the end of Eclipse.


She whirled around to face him, eyes blazing like they weren't just brown, like for a second they held a flicker of that wild, inhuman beauty she was going to give herself over to.

_Shut up, stop it, I can't say it, shut up._

"Yes, I think about it. Yes, I have dreams where it happens again."

Those words were harsh, almost guttural, too-loud, but Bella's voice cracked over the next ones, tears spilling into her eyes, ready to spill out of them.

"I'm engaged to someone else, someone _perfect,_ but yes, actually, I do want to kiss you again, so badly it almost hurts. I want… I want you to hold me and tell me… I want to tell you I… Yes, I'm in love with you, crazy in love, and it's hell."

She attempted a sneer, face hardening mid-crumble. "Are you happy now, Jacob?"

Jacob had been silent while she spoke, completely still. Strange that he was in shock, even though he had known all this, long before she had, he had _known_ she felt this way.

_I was right, see? Told you so, Bells._

He took a step toward her, felt his head reel with it like he was walking on a wire, regrouped and sort of shuffled the rest of the way.

She didn't move.

Close but not touching, dark lashes on russet cheeks, a subtle sway.

He murmured "I could be happier."

She still didn't move, just tilted her head and stared up unseen at his face high above her, a sick-excited echo in her mind, _I could be happier._

Her heart beat rapidly, loudly, like it was trying to break into the quiet between them, chest filling, swelling, pushing toward him, while her feet stayed rooted in the ground.

"Touch me, Bella."

Low, pleading. Not touching, but close.

There wasn't enough space to save her from this. _And even if there were oceans and continents between us – _

A hand lifted from her side, three fingers pressed limply, helplessly against his upper arm and he gasped, sharp and instant.

Eyelids fluttered bringing him into the fullness of this moment, and he was looking at her like _Vampires are real, I sometimes change into a giant wolf, but this,_ this, _is the really amazing thing._

She smiled, she couldn't help it. It was always that way with Jacob.

But he didn't return it and that was different, that was new and unsettling.

No playful grin, no _My wish is your command? Make me a sandwich,_ no quick move to grab her and -

"Kiss me," he whispered, still staring at her like the world was on fire.

The smile slipped from her lips, stolen by quick puffs of air.

One hand closed over his arm, the other flew up to press at his bare chest. Bella stretched up on tiptoes, a timid, graceless ballerina propped against him, her flesh and blood wall, a structural beam, beaming, smile, sun, Jake.

_He wants me to kiss him. I want to kiss him. I want to –_

She frowned.

_No bending, no leaning. Stock-still and too damn…_

"I can't reach if you're - "

His laughter got caught in her lips.

This kiss was a common exhalation, a breath that took over both of theirs, and when she reached for more of him he gave it easily, the same way he always gave her everything. He held her tight, tighter, tighter still, curved in against him, the muscles in his stomach jumping when she sighed against his lips, clutched at his broad shoulders and liked the soft burn of his skin.

That was when Bella realized hazily, hotly, that she liked everything about this. She liked everything about Jacob Black and she liked everything about kissing him, touching him, telling him things she shouldn't even think because -

"I love you, I love you."

He could barely hear it through the thick painted silence of his mind. Sound was secondary, far away, sound was lost, useless till she spoke _I love you, I love you_ and he shuddered, tongue stumbling over hers as he tried to say it too.

The declaration was a muffled mess, but it didn't matter, she'd already heard it. And she had to have known even before he'd said it that first time – Jacob would wear his heart on his sleeve if he ever put a shirt on.

But there were other things he should have been saying when their mouths finally parted, lips wet, trembling. Things like _What does this mean?_ and _What will you tell your fiancé? _

And then there were other things still, things he _wanted_ to be saying, things like _You have to be mine, you have to_ and _I'll never let you kiss him again._

He pushed it all away, swept it under a carpet that was stretched thin with hurt, just kept her close, buried his face in the soft hair at her neck, hoped.

Jacob hoped more than he had in a long time.


End file.
